


Defend Myself

by Gio_hannigram



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: After the Fall, Angst, Hannigram - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gio_hannigram/pseuds/Gio_hannigram
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will’s heart pounded at Hannibal´s tone, there but at the same time so far away, almost lost. A whisper against his skin the only proof he was there, behind him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defend Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Finally!  
> It´s been so long since I made this but it just wasn´t ready!
> 
> Thankfully just in time, I thought it wouldn´t enter for #ItsStillBeautiful 
> 
> Thank you very much to my sweet Nigel for helping me so much with this and read it so many time and supporting me always!
> 
> Sis thanks for always cheering me up.

“I didn't believe in this.” Hannibal whispered, barely audible to Will. Maybe even hoping Will wouldn't hear.

The room was almost dark; only the dim light of the moon entered through the thin blue curtains. Will was pretending to be asleep, facing away from Hannibal who was curled behind him, warm under sand coloured sheets. A few hours seemed to have passed since they had finished devouring each other and fallen into blissful contented sleep.

 Now Will couldn´t get back to sleep and it seemed it was a good thing. Hannibal´s breath ghosted on the back of his neck, his heart beat loud and calm behind him, his arms were wrapped around him.

 “I wasn't searching,” a deep intake of breath from Hannibal revealing how much it was taking for him to let the words out. “Pointless lovers. Just physical satisfaction. And then you crossed my path, Will, making me long for more than that.”

Will’s heart pounded at Hannibal´s tone, there but at the same time so far away, almost lost. A whisper against his skin the only proof he was there, behind him.

 Afraid of upsetting Hannibal and losing the moment, Will remained quiet, trying hard to keep the façade. Wishing Hannibal would pretend as well.

 “When I least expected it, when I least thought it possible ...there you were.”

There was a change, an accusation in the way Hannibal’s voice wavered.

 “Burning through my skin. I found you. The only person I felt the need to…I needed you to see me, I wanted you to see and understand me, but more than anything I wanted you to see yourself and your own potential, so you could see mine.”

Will could barely keep a sigh from crossing his lips as Hannibal caressed the smile he had left on him.

 “I remember our first meeting. I thought you a challenge, your mind, so brilliant, the rare mix of darkness and light exuding from you, both claiming your attention, both claiming you as theirs.”

Hannibal trailed a finger along his arm. “I wanted to see how far you could go, how much you could do. It took me a while to realize why I was doing it. What was different about you,” he admitted while the tip of his finger caressed one of the many marks he had imprinted on Will´s skin.

 Will tried not to think about the way he’d lost control while Hannibal was making those marks, afraid Hannibal would feel the tremor that threatened to run down his spine.

“You made astounding progress in a short time; no-one had caught my interest and held it that way before. I started to want you.“

It took all the self-control he had not to moan as Hannibal put pressure on the fresh wound on his neck.

“Then you started to change me, without me noticing it. The way you made me feel, the peace you brought me. You calmed my insanity, just as much as you made it come to life.”  Again, Hannibal couldn´t seem to stop the accusation in his words.

“I didn't believe myself capable of such feelings, I thought I was free of them.”

Defeat: his tone, his touches, both spoke of it. For all the control and power Hannibal exuded in the way he carried himself, he couldn´t shut out the human part of him; the feelings running through his veins and the heart longing for the one it deemed its owner. The one unique mind capable of understanding his. The only one capable of accepting him.

 “Your absence left a sensation of something being missing;   a raw burning feeling of emptiness. A fire burning down my palace, cracking walls as it follows its path towards my most sacred chapel. A crawling feeling making me uneasy, making satisfaction unreachable.” He mapped Will´s scar where Francis’s knife had cut his skin, helping the darkness inside of him escape. “Stabbing that part of me. Asking for distraction until I could lay my sight on you. “

“I found you.” In one rough movement Hannibal turned Will to face the ceiling, so suddenly that when Will opened and closed his eyes the shadows of  constellations seemed to pass along the wooded ceiling of their cabin. Hannibal’s expression was one of barely contained anger even though his eyes were clear from the usual darkness, leaving the shining adoration and love that Will couldn´t believe were just for him and only his to see.

 “I didn't believe it could be possible.” He spoke a few inches away from Will´s lips, covering them with his index finger, preventing Will from even gasping at him. “I didn't believe in a feeling… a sensation so strong as what I feel each time you cross my mind and I can see yours working beautifully, each time I have the pleasure of seeing you, each time I can taste you.” Changing his index in favor of his thumb Hannibal caressed his upper lip. Will could only breathe deeper as his eyes stared into maple ones.

“The only one capable of making me feel annoyed and bored by my own freedom,” Hannibal affirmed, taking a handful of Will´s curls between his fingers and forcing him to stay put as he looked at the wetness glittering in his eyes. Will surrendered completely, aching for the taste of Hannibal’s lips just a couple inches apart from his, the essence that was purely Hannibal in the air around him, for Hannibal caressing every inch of his skin.

 “You appeared, Will and I couldn't defend myself and not fall for you. By time I realized what it was, it was too late.” He kissed Will with the craving of a dying man, surrendering himself as much as Will had and Will wanted to tell him how it angered him as well, sometimes, how far Hannibal had taken him over.

Will was drowning in his feelings, overwhelmed as they mixed with the stab of pain at the moment he opened his eyes again and Hannibal wasn´t there anymore.

 All there was on him was a cold cheap sheet.

He wanted to go back, to pull Hannibal´s hand towards him and make them kneel together instead of getting up into Hannibal´s arms and throwing them into the cold waves of the Atlantic.

For a moment he had thought they would survive, both of them.

He realized too late how much he wanted to live, to love and die with Hannibal.

 He still remembered the last thing Hannibal did after saving him one last time and before he left him behind for good. Hannibal had stared at him just as he had done in his kitchen, hurt and disappointed. The difference was that Hannibal didn´t walk away, but instead laid his head on the sand beside Will´s knees. He had reached up to touch his cheek but hesitated with his hand a few inches away. Will took it and guided him to his cheek.  

 “Fuck Hannibal, what do I do?” Will had asked, desperate, kneeling beside him. When they fell Hannibal had protected him and his back was a mess; most of him was a mess of blood and ripped flesh, some of his bones broken judging by the awkward way they stuck out. Will still didn´t know how he had managed to pull them both out of the water.

 But Hannibal was not alarmed; his stare had changed in a second, he had dragged Will towards him and without permission kissed him with all the energy he had left, and Will had felt the yearning inside him, how long he had ached to do this.

 Will had tried, for a second, to resist, out of habit more than a real desire to stop but then he let himself taste Hannibal´s lips. They stopped to breathe, and then suddenly Hannibal had pushed him down to lie next to him in the reddened sand. He lay with his face close to Will´s lips and despite the freezing cold Will had never felt more warm in his life.

 Hannibal´s broken tone as he whispered his last words to Will still echoed inside his head.

 “Will, stop please.” Hannibal tried to calm him , letting him see the sadness in his eyes  “Let us enjoy this moment, please.” His words making Will stop thinking about what to do and realize what was going on.

 “That alone is all that´s left, isn´t it?” Will exhaled, shaking as the reality of what this moment meant hit him as hard as the first contact his body had with the cold water in front of them.

 Hannibal drew his hand through Will´s curls gently. ”I don´t regret giving up trying to defend my heart from you Will,” Hannibal had affirmed as the thumb of his other hand caressed Will´s lower lip. “I want you to be clear on that.”

 “I hope to find you again in my eternal chapel. Let me find you again, my beloved.” Hannibal’s voice had faded until it was a sigh into the skin of his cheek and Will could feel the hand in his hair falling. Hannibal´s heartbeat was weak and fading, ebbing like waves as the first rays of the Sun washed their skin.

 

 He was in his empty bed, inside the dark room he owned with nothing but wine bottles around him, the unpleasant smell reminding him of how much he had drunk the night before. Freezing desolation crawled in tremors across his skin in the absence of the warmth he had felt moments before.

 There was only the desire to mourn, remembering that their love was wasted, gaze at nothing because there was nothing left for him to hold onto, at least not outside his mind.

 What remained outside was only a silence that made the cold nights longer, until they never seemed to end.

 That was all he had left.

 It was all Will could find each time he looked for the sacred room, each time he tried to find his most desired chapel.

 And there was just one person he could blame for it. Hannibal didn´t defend himself from him, thinking he could win, and it cost him his life.

 Will knows he´s going to regret defending himself and not allowing their love live until his last breath.

**Author's Note:**

> I would say that I am sorry but I would be lying.  
> There´s a part of me who wants Will to know how much he would regret Hannibal´s death.


End file.
